Let’s be real—if your relationship status is “complicated” more often than not, we need to talk.

In the reality of swiping left and right, where relationships often start with a virtual click, the question arises: Are you single until you’re married? Is a committed relationship synonymous with eventual matrimony? That phrase either makes you nod in agreement or sparks a deep existential crisis. But what does it really mean?  Does it give people a free pass to act single while in a relationship? Does it dismiss the value of commitment outside of marriage? Or does it simply acknowledge an uncomfortable truth: Until there’s a legally binding document and maybe a tax break involved, you are technically… unattached? This simple question carries an array of implications, challenging conventional wisdom and encouraging a shift in perspective. In the intricate dance of relationships, trust is the melody that resonates at the core. 

Some people view dating as a structured roadmap to marriage. Others see it as a choose-your-own-adventure novel where love doesn’t have to end in vows. The reality? Love isn’t a contract. It’s a choice. One that needs to be made daily, with or without a ring.

Are You Building Love or Just Renting It?

Some people use “you’re single until you’re married” as an excuse for playing the field while in a relationship. (If that’s you, be for real. That’s not a philosophy, that’s a red flag.) Others see it as a wake-up call: No one owes you forever because you’ve been together for years. Just because you invest time and emotions into a long-term relationship doesn’t mean you’re eternally tethered to the idea of marrying that person. Life is unpredictable, and priorities can change. Relationships are far from binary. The dating-to-marriage journey is one of a dynamic spectrum of emotions, experiences, and growth. Marriage doesn’t guarantee loyalty, and dating doesn’t mean possession.  The assertion “You’re single until you’re married” underscores the notion that no matter the commitment level, each individual remains an autonomous entity with choices and a unique identity.

Evolution of Commitment: Relationships evolve organically. Initial attraction leads to dating, which may then blossom into a more serious commitment. Each stage has its significance and value. The “single until you’re married” concept acknowledges that commitment isn’t a linear path but a series of conscious choices.

Trust: The Real Currency of Commitment

Consider this: The perspective that you’re “single until you’re married” fosters a stronger foundation of trust. The light aspects go over a positive viewpoint of the mindset & how it can be beneficial in a relationship. Dark aspects cover the differences in unhealthy relationships that are more rooted in possession or the common belief that the only worthy relationships are the ones leading to the altar. This concept isn’t about dodging commitment—it’s about recognizing that commitment is a CHOICE, not a given. Whether you’re single, dating, or married, your relationship thrives (or dies) based on trust, not a label. 

Let’s break it down:

Autonomy vs. Possession

• Light: Honoring your partner’s autonomy dismantles possessive tendencies, creating an environment and a healthy relationship that thrives on mutual respect, not ownership. We foster trust by acknowledging personal boundaries. You choose each other every day.
• Dark: If your love hinges on control, jealousy, or proving your worth, that’s not love. That’s possession. Ownership in relationships is a fallacy that has led to countless heartbreaks and misunderstandings.

Growth vs. Stagnation

• Light: Relationships should push you to evolve, not keep you trapped in a loyalty test. Granting your partner the freedom to grow encourages personal growth, strengthens trust for both partners to pursue their aspirations independently.
• Dark: If your biggest relationship flex is “I stayed, no matter what,” ask yourself: Did you stay out of love, or just out of fear?  The idea of possession stems from insecurity, jealousy, and an unhealthy attachment. Love doesn’t seek to control or manipulate; it nurtures freedom and mutual growth.

Communication vs. Assumptions

• If your partner is transparent but you still assume the worst, maybe it’s time to heal—not time to control. Trust is believing in each other’s intentions, even when the path ahead is uncertain. 
• If you believe love must end in marriage to be valid, ask yourself: Are you in love with the person or with the idea of them? If your partner chooses to leave, will you respect their decision, acknowledging that love isn’t a binding contract, but a choice? Love should empower, not confine. It’s not about possessing a person; it’s about enhancing each other’s lives through shared experiences and growth. When that’s over (if that ends or changes), perhaps the relationship is over.

Redefining Love for the Real World

For the hopeless romantics who swear by dating to marry, falling for a free spirit who embraces the single until your married lifestyle might feel like two worlds colliding. But what if, instead of a crash, it’s the perfect fusion? Your deep-rooted commitment meets their wild, untethered energy, creating a love story that blends stability with spontaneity. While you dream of forever, they teach you to savor the now. Together, you craft a grounded and exhilarating connection—proof that love doesn’t have to be one-size-fits-all to be real, deep, and lasting. And you can respect commitment while understanding that no one owes you forever just because you’re comfortable.

If you’re dating to marry, great. If you’re dating to experience love, that’s also great. Just be honest about what you want. But if you keep letting your past define your present, how can you ever build something real? Not every relationship is a repeat of your worst heartbreak. Not every partner is out to hurt you. Let go of the fear, the old wounds, the need to control how it all plays out. Love them for who they are today, not for who you hope they’ll be or who you fear they won’t. If you want marriage and they don’t, that’s not an attack on you—that’s clarity. And clarity is a gift.

So, are you single until you’re married? Maybe. Maybe not. But titles don’t build trust—actions do. Dating, engaged, or married, the important considerations are your actions of love and where your relationship is going, not labels. If your relationship aligns with your values and future, keep building. If it doesn’t, don’t waste time convincing someone to give you something they don’t want. The right person won’t need convincing. And if you’re doing it right, the label won’t matter nearly as much as the connection you’re building.